Babies cry. That's what they do.

Babies cry. That's what they do.

Well, yes. But crying is what babies do because they can't talk yet. To communicate. So are we listening?

I'll be honest with you, baby's crying - in particular my own – cuts through me like a knife. And continued crying seems to cut to my very core and sends me into paroxysms of anger and helplessness and frustration. I hate hate hate hearing babies crying in supermarkets or left in their pram. I want to scream PICK UP YOUR BABY though try so hard not to judge as we have all been there.  

The advice when you feel like this is to walk away. This is good advice. Walking away calms you down, gives you some perspective and stops you throwing them out of the window (joke). However, it usually takes all of two minutes before I am rushing back to get my baby. 

Ohhh, baby baby! How you make me so cross but I know you are just a baby and my baby and you need me, and really now, I am thoroughly fed up and, oh dear, I am utterly conflicted but, but do I have a choice? I hold you as long as you need, for you are my baby. 

If I think back to me being a baby, I know I was put in the cot and then my mother had to walk away when the crying got too much (just like I do with my baby!). Truthfully, this makes me feel slightly misaligned - not because of her, but well, it just does. Nobody likes to feel ignored. Now I have no idea whether my mother was a 'leave them to cry' subscriber (as the advice was in those days-or even these days) or not. To be honest, I don't really want to go there. She has certainly been amazing in giving her absolute all and pandering to my super-responded to co-sleeping babies... I just totally object to the 'controlled crying' technique. See, babies honestly don’t cry to piss you off, they are not a problem to be fixed. A baby is just like you and me, they cry to communicate because something is up. And just as it is unkind to ignore people when they talk - well, so it is to refuse to listen to your baby. Gosh, it is hellish hard, yes but it is what we signed up for – not to be a martyr (we take our breaks and look after ourselves as necessary), but to be there when needed.

I personally don't like my babies crying because I don't want them to be sad and feel that it is my job to make them happy. But really, that isn't my job. My job is to listen and comfort and try to meet their needs. Sometimes we can't make someone happy or stop the crying straight away but we can still be there listening and responding where appropriate, whether that is feeding, comforting with words or cuddles. Sometimes we have to make dinner/go to the toilet/walk away for five freakin’ minutes. But we can call ‘it’s ok sweetheart’, we reassure ‘I’ll be back in a minute’ and actually treat our babies like little people who are talking to us.

I am not great at working out what my baby is trying to say when he cries (and this is third baby!) so often he gets a cuddle or milk as it seems to be enough. I have apparently correctly identified the following over the last couple of days though:

‘I’m hungry’ - fed

‘I don’t really like my big brother sitting on my head’ - rescued

‘I’m cross because I can’t crawl yet’ - sympathised

‘My teeth hurt’ ??- cuddled

‘Waaah. It’s all wrong’  - don’t know what this one really means but fed. And cuddled. And rocked. Then he went to sleep, so turns out it also meant 'I'm tired'.

I really think this is important. Babies communicate (with endless crying)- we need to listen. I will never let my baby or my children cry alone. I will try my best to meet their needs and 'solve their problems' but if all I can do is cuddle while I listen and listen and listen, well, that is good enough.